30

When I think about turning thirty, I’m surprised.  My surprise doesn’t come from the realization that I’m no longer in my twenties because for the last few years I have forgotten that I was twenty-something.  During the last three years I have been consumed by building a career in education, studying for my behavior analysis certification, caring for Jess while we were expecting, planning for our big move to Taiwan, and then welcoming Abel into the world.  Perhaps turning thirty would cause anxiety if I thought my life would change in the coming decade, but I can’t imagine how my lifestyle could become any more middle-aged.  Going to the gym and cooking dinner are my top hobbies, social events revolve around babies and potlucks, and if I have two beers in the evening I can feel it the next day.  In reality, my twenties have been over for a while now, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

When I think back on my roaring twenties, I have a lot of fond memories.  I also have a lot of regret.  I don’t regret that I partied hard, behaved recklessly, dated frivolously, or imbibed excessively, but I do regret what I missed during those years.  I missed out on countless opportunities to be myself.  Youth is all about figuring out “who you are” and for me that involved trying out many different roles and characters.  Since I wasn't yet comfortable with myself, I was always working hard to create a personality that others would find interesting and fun. 

It wasn’t until I met Jess that I was able to really put down all the pretenses of youth and learn to embrace my core values.  I never believed that the real me was interesting enough to hold someone else’s attention, so I used a lot of facades to shield people from knowing too much about me.  Jess’s honesty, kindness, and innocence slowly brought me out into the open and I learned to trust that she loved me for who I am, not who I thought I should be.  She has taught me that real maturity is being secure in my me-ness.  She has never lectured on the topic, but she models it every day. 

Ten years ago, I would have had nothing but negative associations with a thirtieth birthday.  Now I realize that thirty isn’t the end of your life, as it is portrayed by so many people in our youth-obsessed culture.  Rather, reaching thirty signifies the beginning of a much more meaningful life that is free of the insecurity and extended adolescent angst of my twenties.  Although I feel like the wisdom of my wife and the birth of my son helped me to cross this threshold before I reached thirty, I am ready to embrace this birthday as a welcome milestone. 

I am looking forward to my thirties as a decade full of embracing my growing family, learning how to be a better educator, and challenging myself to live a healthier lifestyle.  This doesn’t mean I am ready for my forties – that just sounds old. I’ll deal with that milestone in about nine and a half years.