Stay at Home Dad-ing

I’ve had a lot of different jobs over the years – from Banking to Coffee Barista to Homeless Shelter Staff to Teacher – but the job I find myself in now is probably the most rewarding and challenging.  Since Jess has started her job, I’ve been a “stay at home Dad” for about seven hours a day, four days a week.

 It started out a little rough; the hours seemed to crawl by, bottle feeding wasn’t a big hit with Abel, and he would cry for seemingly no reason in the late afternoon.  I’m happy to report that the last two weeks have been much easier - either I’ve figured out what I’ve doing or Abel has become more used to Mom being gone for long periods.  Abel’s sleeping and eating are more routinized now, which undoubtedly helps the day go more smoothly, and I finally realized that waiting for him to tell me he is hungry or tired through crying is a pretty bad way to go about meeting his needs. 

The days have also been much more fulfilling to me since I’ve accepted that I’m not going to get ANYTHING done all day except to meet Abel’s needs.  My to-do list spreadsheet is always open on my computer, but I don’t even bother to look at it until after Jess gets home.  Multi-tasking does not work when caregiving for an infant.  As much as I would like to be able to get some other things done, such as studying for my upcoming BCBA exam) during those seven hours, it simply doesn’t work.  Running back and forth between my computer and Abel during the first week resulted in a discontented baby, a frustrated Daddy, and an unchanged to-do list.  Now that I forget about getting anything done (besides trying to make inroads on the mile-high pile of laundry) and just focus on enjoying my time with Abel and making sure he is enjoying his time with me, our days are a lot more fun.  And the to-do list?  It is still there, and it will get done.  Eventually.

The typical day for the Murphy-Lewis house begins pretty late thanks to Jess’ schedule.  We get up when Abel gets up, usually between 8 and 9, and spend some time just playing with him in bed.  Mornings are his absolute favorite time of day.  He is super-alert, happy, talkative, and full of smiles.  After soaking up  some of Abel’s coos and grins, I head off either to Da’an Park to run or the Da’an Rec Center to lift weights.  Lucklly, these two locations are very close to our apartment, so I’m usually back before 11.  Next we either go out to the market to buy some groceries and lunch or make a lunch in the apartment.  Jess leaves for work at noon and Abel takes a nap.  I spend this time planning our daily adventure, which is absolutely crucial for a successful day. 

We have to get out of the apartment and go for a 2-4 hour adventure, or there is bound to be a meltdown, either from Abel or myself.  Abel is the biggest extrovert I have ever met – he is happiest when surrounded by people.  He almost never cries when we are in public and will spend hours looking at faces on the street, in museums, in stores, and on the subway.  Nothing makes him happier than a friendly lady stopping us to smile at him and admire his cuteness.  He gets bored and frustrated if we stay in the apartment for too long, so even if it I raining (which it was yesterday) we get out the umbrella and go to the library to walk around or the supermarket to stroll the aisles.  I can’t emphasize enough how key the daily outing is – museums, hikes up local mountains, walking through parks, window shopping in malls – the location isn’t important, we just need to get out there. 

Abel’s extroverted personality is great for me because it forces me to leave the apartment and get comfortable navigating Taipei.  Normally, I can fall into a pretty boring routine rather quickly, but Abel won’t allow that here.  We’ve been on virtually every line of the MRT and hiked up some of the biggest mountains (Elephant Rock) around the city.  Thanks to Abel, now I know how to get around the city as well as Jess, who has lived here before.

I do plan on getting a job in the near future, but the economics of living in Taiwan don’t make it an urgent priority. When I do work, it will probably only be from 9 - noon, thereby leaving my long afternoons with Abel intact. In the meantime, I’m going to savor the opportunity to strap my son on my chest and wander off to a random landmark or hill. These days are a luxury that I enjoy, but I fear won’t last forever. I do miss having a job, but I doubt I miss working as much as I will miss spending full days with Abel.