Monday, January 25, 2010

Writing for Survival

I know, it has been over a month since my last post. Last fall it seemed like such a good idea to re-start this blog so that I could keep polishing my writing skills and share my life with those who are patient enough to read my blog regularly. Now that I have a challenging new job as a Special Education teacher, I find myself writing every day, but not for pleasure, just for survival. I write, on average, about thirty to forty emails a day, not to mention the standardized tests, individual education plans, lesson plans, and professional self-reports that I have to write daily. If you don't know what any of those things are, don't worry, they aren't terribly exciting and you are best left guessing. The point is that at the end of the day I have no energy to sit down and reflect further upon my experiences, it would just be another chore - just more paragraphs to churn out - and I really don't need more chores right now. So I'm probably not going to post for some time.

I feel like this post may be like standing in an empty room and telling everyone to go home - pointless because my sporadic posting has alienated and bored whatever readership I had developed over the past year and a half. I think I'm just going to be on a quasi-hiatus from posting; maybe feeling like no one is expecting me to write will make posting more enjoyable and less like a chore. Who knows. In the meantime, don't hold your breath until my next post.

3 comments:

keri said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog. Very Inspiring! Your adventure across the globe has inspired me to do the same. Paula J from ORI told me about your travels. Congratulations on your new job, but don't give up the writing! Your posts have had a overwhelming influence on a person who is not satisfied with her life. By leaving my comfort zone I feel like I am finally going in the right direction. Thanks!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi there,
I just came across your blog by chance and got stuck on your posts.
And especially by what you´ve written. Now I am writing you from Europe, Germany to be more precise, and in a way we are colleagues it seema because I am a cetified state teacher-permanent. I see that there are changes going on in the US education system and it seems as if you are getting closer to our one. However, teacher preparation here in Germany is pure hell. First you get your master´s defree and then they put you under a 2 year teacher prep assessment during which yu are rather psychically tested than for your practicioning skills, as supposed to.
After those 2 yeras you get your permanent certificate. At least we don´t have to renew it every now and then, though unfortunately it seems as if they are considering this.Either way, I achieved to survive this hell and made my additional 3 years on the tenure-track to get the tenured position. However, I had to exxperience teacher abuse by our headmaster. So personal psychic terror kept on going for me. And what you´vementioned I had to live during the last 5 years of my life...lack of social relationships for just working and studying my a.. off to get to this stage. I got sick with all this terror and suffered a severe burn-out. But I was at least strong enough not to have to go to rehab, which would have ended tenure for life completely. Instead I was given a time-out by my doctor and then I decided to find back to myself, my happy way of being and my joy of life...and I quit before the would dismiss me.
And just as I supposed the headmaster certified that I allegedly am not apted for school and made me fail the last year for tenured position. I had to undergo scrutiny by a psychotherapist-ordered by him- I won: the psychotherapist certified that I am fully apted to serve as a teacher.
Ever since I had quit I had taken a kind of school-break, sabbatical year so to say. I started to do what I had always been wanting to but what I was postponing just because of school -job- obligations.
I went back to working at universities and intercultural institutions enjoying life again to the fullest.
I don´t know why I am writing you this story of my life. Maybe just because I don´t want the same to happen to you. School can easily turn into a vicious circle. Teachers , at least here in Germany , belong to the group of professionals that become sick the fastet. I am not surprised any more.
I still love to teach but not at for the sake of my health. I do listen more carefully to my body signs and my intuition now. If I´ll ever go back to school teaching I don´t know. Either way, I have learned a lot, the hard way , but it was still worth it.

I hope you are doing fine and still enjoying. In case you want to share more experiences with me just feel free to write to me too (tallasia@hotmail.com).
Greetings from overseas,Tania.

Unknown said...

I was leaving your birthday message when I remembered you have a blog! Welcome to the world of Special Education... It's nothing glamorous. I'm in my second year teaching kiddos with Emotional and Behavioral disabilities.